Peeling Oranges, Holding Back Tears: How Indian Fathers Show Love Without Words

I’d hear the familiar horn of our Maruti 800 around seven in the evening while studying in my room, and instantly, I’d run to the gate. He’d step out of the car, and I’d wait eagerly for him to open the passenger door. I’d hop in, and just like that, we were off, heading to Hazratganj in Lucknow for kebabs and chai.

That was our little ritual — a daddy-daughter date that meant the world to 11-year-old me, full of shared laughter, secrets, and the kind of comfort that only comes from knowing you’re deeply loved.

As Father’s Day approaches this year, I find myself wondering: Did my father ever say the words, “I care about you”? I can recall a few moments when his emotions slipped through; in gestures, in silence, in half-smiles. And other times, I could sense he wanted to say something, but just couldn’t.

And he’s not alone. Many fathers love fiercely, but they’ve been shaped by a world that taught them to hold their feelings back. Conditioned by patriarchy and outdated ideas of masculinity, they were told to stay strong, to “keep it in.” This story is for them.

In speaking with fathers across the country for The Better India, we invited them to put their emotions into words and to share the love they often struggle to express. What follows is a kind of open letter, a heartfelt offering from fathers to their children. Proof that they do feel deeply, even if the words sometimes stick in their throat.

These are their truths, unfiltered and tender.

‘I got the maps you forgot, even when I was running late’

“‘Chhelera kaadey na’ (boys don’t cry) was drilled into us early on. If something hurt, I brushed it off, kept quiet, and moved on. Feelings became things I didn’t name, only sensed when things felt ‘baje’ (off). So when fatherhood came, it felt — ‘baba hote giye matha ghure gelo’ (becoming a father turned my world upside down), but the words stayed stuck inside. Vulnerability wasn’t a language I had learned,” shared SN Chowdhury, a retired General Manager of Dabur Private Limited from Kolkata. 

“A silence echoed from those fidgeting hands and that lost gaze,” says Srimoyee Chowdhury, his daughter. Sensing her emotions, he quickly changed the topic to something lighter, something they could smile about.

He added, “I may not have said ‘I’m proud of you’ every day, but I peeled komla lebu (oranges) and removed the seeds. I got the maps you forgot, even when I was running late. I always checked on you or got you your favourite chocolates every time I got back from the tour. It wasn’t grand, but it was consistent. That was my love language.” 

‘When dada passed away, I cried my heart out’

“When your Dada (grandfather) passed away in 2017, you remember? You were sitting right beside me when I suddenly broke down,” revealed Sunil Arora to his daughter Khushi Arora!

A government officer by profession, hailing from Jodhpur, Sunil continued, “It wasn’t the day he died. That day was a blur filled with rituals and responsibilities. There was no time to feel anything. But a few days later, during a quiet pooja, something cracked open. Everything was silent, and then, out of nowhere, I just started crying. I don’t even know what hit me. It wasn’t just grief. It was the weight of what came after — your grandmother’s care, the house, the kids — it all felt like it had landed on my shoulders.”

When Khushi shared this with me, all I could picture was a man who, somewhere deep down, must have had dreams of his ambitions or small joys. But since childhood, he’d been caught in a world shaped by obligation. 

A life where expectations came before expression and responsibilities left little room for selfhood. And yet, he carried it all with a gentle smile and unwavering care; never complaining, never asking for more.

It made me wonder: how many fathers live their entire lives in service of others, quietly folding their dreams away, believing love is best shown in sacrifice, not words?

‘More often than not, lack of confidence hinders our words’

Utpal Banerjee, head of corporate and brand communications and a resident of Kolkata, shares, “There are days in everyone’s lives which are good or bad. And I have often felt that more often than not, it is the lack of confidence that hinders our ability to express emotions into words. There is a hesitation owing to thoughts about what my close ones will think or how they will react.”

However, when we shifted the conversation to modern times and how people communicate with each other in a family setting, Utpal adds, “Now, things are a bit chill. Not everywhere, but I have tried to keep it that way. Even when I was young, I often felt that, like every other emotion, crying was fine.” 

Upasana Banerjee, a journalist based in Bengaluru, reached out to TBI for this piece. She is a single daughter, for whom this is a heartfelt way of expressing her love for her father. While speaking about their bond, her father, Utpal, recalled how much joy he found in the small, everyday rituals, especially those times when she would wait for him to come home and then would excitedly tell him everything about her day at school! 

How many of you just pictured the same scene where a father sits back with a soft smile, listening intently, as his child talks a mile a minute? 

‘Braiding my daughter’s hair was my way of showing love’

“I was expressive right from the start. When Sanhvi’s mother used to be out for work or on vacations, and she used to stay with me, I used to braid my daughter’s hair, which in a way was an act of love!” shares Vinod Kumar Jaiswal, who is an experienced dentist practising in Renukoot. 

For Vinod, he has tried to keep it transparent with his children and even his parents. He recalls that he used to be vocal about his feelings to his parents, and he has tried to give the same environment to his kids where they can freely grow. 

Just like all our dads, he too enjoys taking his children out for rides or even peeling litchis for them! 

He furthers that it is heartwarming for him to see that modern-day fathers hug their children more often, speak to them about relationships, and discuss the ‘serious stuff’ as well. He acknowledges that it is a much-needed change. 

‘I do think I could have shared more’

Randheer Singh, a single parent and a private service employee who is also my father, resonated similarly. He, too, shared that being emotional was not something he was encouraged about. 

“However, I certainly feel that at times when I held back, I do think that I could have shared more things with you to keep it transparent and easier on myself.”

As I asked him these questions, a quiet ache crept into my heart. I found myself wondering if I could’ve done something differently. But gently, he reassured me: this was not something either of us could’ve fixed back then.

“Being open is a new concept for fathers. Cooking for you in the late-night hours or simply being able to tell you on some days that I was struggling was enough for me. I hope it was for you, too,” he adds. 

By the end of the call, I sat with dampness in my eyes. And though I couldn’t see him, I could picture his quiet smile on the other end that speaks volumes of love and care. 

As we navigate our way through a personal loss, this was one of those rare moments since my mother passed away where we could speak candidly. 

‘I wanted to teach my daughter, I wanted a change’

Soorveer Singh Bhadauria, a resident of Gwalior who has a real estate business, shares that he comes from a family where daughters were married off as early as they turned 19. However, he wanted it to be different for his daughter, Shraddha. 

“I wanted Shraddha to study, I wanted a change. People still ask me when we are going to get her married, but I believe that she should study and work if she wants to.”

Shraddha, who is a content strategist, had reached out to TBI for this piece. And while I was speaking to her father, I knew why she wanted his thoughts out in public. For people to reconsider what they plan for their daughters! 

“I still don’t think that people are expressive enough with their kids. Mother, Yes! For fathers, there is still a long way to go,” adds Sorveer, who thinks that being vulnerable and speaking out what is in the heart is a skill that most people still lack, and we certainly need to work on it. 

In Utpal’s words, “Fathers are like coconuts. We are tough on the outside, but soft and tender within.” Vulnerability doesn’t always come easily, but love has always been there — quietly present in peeled fruit, neatly braided hair, shared cups of tea, or an unspoken hug at the right time.

This Father’s Day, maybe skip the gift. Instead, offer a moment. Sit down together, talk a little, share the laughter or the tears, and reflect on things that quietly helped you two build your bond. Sometimes, the softest things are the ones that stay with us the longest.

Edited by Vidya Gowri

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