Father’s Day Guide: Here’s How to Talk to Your Dad About His Mental Well-Being
Trigger warning: This article discusses topics related to self-harm and suicide.
When was the last time you genuinely sat down with your father and asked him, ‘How are you, really?’ Not for the sake of being polite; but something with deep and genuine care that invites honesty!
In the morning chat sessions or while fixing something in your house, have you noticed subtle changes in him lately? Perhaps a sudden weight loss, bouts of irritability, or a constant desire to remain in bed longer than usual? These might be silent signals because sometimes, it’s not what’s said, but what’s unsaid that reveals the most
While the mental health of fathers is less often discussed, fathers across different walks of life — whether they’re low-income earners, single dads, stay-at-home dads, or young fathers — could be susceptible to anxiety and depression. Their mental health often goes unnoticed and unrecognised.
This Father’s Day, let’s try to change that narrative. It’s time to open up conversations with our fathers and remind them that it’s ‘perfectly okay not to be okay.’ Let’s create moments of connection and show them they don’t have to put on a brave face when they’re struggling inside.
We spoke with Mumbai-based psychiatrists Dr Anjali Chhabria and Dr Harish Shetty to explore the vital role children can play in reaching out to their fathers and helping them feel understood. Here are the interview excerpts.
Dr Anjali Chhabria and Dr Harish Shetty talk in detail about the vital role children can play in helping their fathers feel understood.
How common do you think it is for fathers to discuss mental health issues, and is there any stigma associated with it?
In the context of Indian families, fathers often show reluctance to discuss mental health issues. Traditionally, they’ve been taught to keep these matters concealed and pretend all is well.
However, in the perception of masculinity among modern men, a very positive change we have observed is that men are acknowledging their vulnerable side. They are no longer ashamed to express emotions, such as crying. This is particularly evident in men in their 40s and 50s.
The willingness to talk about mental health largely depends on a family’s openness to such topics. Some families encourage discussions on mental health, where members express feelings of anxiety, depression, or sleep disturbances without hesitation.
Fathers generally find it easier to share mental health concerns with their daughters than their sons. The father-daughter bond seems more conducive to such discussions, possibly because they don’t feel judged. However, this does not mean sons cannot check on their fathers’ mental health; an environment where mental health issues are discussed should be normalised.
What specific behaviours or patterns should children be attentive to, which might indicate their father is struggling with mental health issues?
Depression in elderly men is often invisible and should be recognised promptly to prevent severe outcomes like suicide. Identifying signs of mental health issues in individuals, particularly fathers who might be reluctant to express their feelings, involves observing certain behaviours and symptoms.
Openness to discussing mental health largely depends on the family’s willingness.
Look out for these indicators:
1. Sleep Disorders
Difficulty in falling or staying asleep is often the first noticeable sign. Complaints about poor sleep quality can be an early indicator of underlying mental health issues.
2. Emotional and physical changes
Look for signs of persistent anger or notable sadness, or sudden weight loss. These emotional shifts can manifest as irritability, mood swings, or withdrawn behaviour.
3. Loss of Interest
Noticeable decline in enthusiasm for previously enjoyable activities. This loss of interest can span over hobbies, work, and social interactions.
4. Substance Use
Excessive consumption of alcohol or increased smoking can signal attempts to cope with emotional distress.
5. Cognitive Issues
Memory disturbances or issues with concentration can be subtle indicators of mental struggles.
6. Financial Irregularities
Sudden changes in financial behaviour, like accruing debts or erratic spending, may point to deeper emotional issues.
7. Expressions of Hopelessness
Pay close attention to statements expressing a desire not to live, feeling burdensome, or verbalisations of self-harm, which are red flags indicating severe mental health challenges.
If you notice these signs, it is important to engage with the person compassionately and consider consulting mental health professionals for further assessment and support.
How can children start a conversation about mental health with their fathers without making them uncomfortable or defensive?
When it comes to connecting with children, it’s not always about how often you talk to them—it’s about the quality of those interactions. When children share their feelings, it encourages fathers to open up as well.
It starts with regular check-ins and genuine conversations.
Begin with questions about their general health, such as their appetite or if they slept well, without directly mentioning mental health. Ask about things like how they’ve been sleeping or if they’ve had a good appetite lately. These everyday questions are a gentle way to check in without diving straight into mental health. As the conversation unfolds, you can gradually shift toward asking how they’re feeling. Something like, “You seem a bit quiet today. Is everything okay?” can open the door.
Such questions create an opening without direct confrontation. If they respond with ‘I’m fine’, gently point out any changes you’ve observed, such as a change in behaviour or mood, and ask if something particular is upsetting them.
When one lives away from home, it is easy to lose touch with what is going on in their parents’ lives. That’s why staying connected through regular check-ins and honest conversations becomes vital!
It starts with regular check-ins and genuine conversations. Ask about their general well-being with questions like ‘How are you doing?’, ‘How are you sleeping?’, and ‘How are you eating?’. Such questions can help uncover any distress without making parents feel they’re being interrogated.
Paying attention during visits or even over a shared meal can also tell you a lot. A small change in mood, body language, or habits might be a quiet sign that something’s off. This is especially important during emotionally tough times, like after losing a loved one. Moments like these can deeply affect a parent’s emotional state, even if they don’t say much about it.
Additionally, children should communicate with other family members to gather more context if their parents exhibit unusual behaviour, such as unexplained anger.
Spending quality time together doing things your dad enjoys can make a real difference in his mental well-being.
If fathers are resistant to discussing these issues, children can take the initiative to consult a psychiatrist themselves.
What should children do if their fathers are resistant to discussing mental health or seeking professional help?
If you’re worried about your dad but he isn’t ready to open up, it’s perfectly okay for you to talk to a mental health professional. Everyone’s different, and sometimes it helps to get a bit of expert advice on how to handle that kind of aversion. Often, understanding what they observe and receiving professional support can help in knowing how best to support their fathers.
What activities or lifestyle changes do you recommend to help improve mental well-being in ageing fathers?
Spending quality time together doing things your dad enjoys can make a real difference in his mental well-being. It doesn’t have to be anything big! Something as simple as going for a walk, playing a game of cricket, or even a few rounds of cards can lift his spirits. Participating in these activities with them or inviting them to join you can foster a sense of purpose and connection.
Their daily contributions like managing the finances or lending a helping hand in chores, are something you can appreciate and acknowledge. Everyone likes to feel seen and appreciated — even our parents.
This is a heartfelt call to action: let’s nurture the men who have nurtured us. Let’s show care to our caregivers, because they deserve it just as much.
Edited by Saumya Singh.
News