5 Things Breastfeeding Mothers Wish People Would Stop Saying

(Featured image courtesy Shutterstock)

“Please don’t feed when you’re on your period.”
“She just had her meal. Why are you feeding the baby again?”
“Your milk supply isn’t enough — that’s why the baby is crying.”

These are just a few of the unsolicited comments new mothers often hear—remarks that undermine, confuse, and shame them during one of the most vulnerable times of their lives.

In the first few weeks after giving birth, a mother is simply trying to make sense of it all. Recovering from labour or a C-section, adjusting to a new body, and caring for her baby — it’s overwhelming. And in the midst of all this, one of the biggest challenges she faces is breastfeeding.

As we approach World Breastfeeding Week, we at The Better India want to throw some light on what not to say to a breastfeeding mother — so that she feels supported, empowered, and confident in her journey.

“Your feed is not sufficient for the baby; that’s why the baby is always crying.”

In the early days of motherhood, most women already struggle with self-doubt and are learning to understand their baby’s needs. Babies cry for a variety of reasons — not just hunger. They might be tired, overstimulated, uncomfortable, or simply seeking comfort. Crying does not always mean the mother’s milk is insufficient.

To help address this common concern, we spoke to Hyderabad-based paediatrician Dr Vadapalli Vaishnavi. “While hunger is one of the many reasons for their cry, it’s not always that. It could be because of not burping the baby or even a diaper rash,” she explains.

Sometimes, a simple “You’re doing a great job” can go a long way in making a new mother feel seen, heard, and supported.

“Wouldn’t it just be easier to give the baby formula milk?”

Breastfeeding is not just a way to feed a baby — it’s a physical, emotional, and often challenging journey that many mothers choose for the health benefits it offers both the baby and herself.

Comments like “Wouldn’t it be easier to give formula milk?” may seem harmless, but they can be dismissive of her efforts and deeply discouraging.

“When people suggest formula, it can make a mother start doubting her ability to nourish her baby,” explains Dr Vaishnavi.

“Breast milk is always the best option for infants — it’s tailored to their needs and easier to digest. Also, many mothers aren’t fully informed about how to safely prepare formula, including the right dilution, which can affect a baby’s nutrition. Beyond that, breastfeeding offers several health benefits for the mother too,” she adds.

What new mothers truly need is empathy, encouragement, and the freedom to make choices that work best for them and their babies — without judgement.

“What, have you stopped breastfeeding already?”

Even well-meaning remarks can sound deeply judgemental to a new mother.

“Postpartum is a crucial period for both the mother and the infant. If the mother becomes emotionally vulnerable due to unwanted advice or suggestions, it can affect her emotionally. The hormone oxytocin — which helps produce breast milk — may not be released properly, impacting her ability to breastfeed,” the doctor advises.

Such comments can also trigger guilt, shame, or feelings of inadequacy — especially in mothers already struggling with self-doubt.

Instead of questioning her choices, it’s far more supportive to trust that she knows what’s best for her child and to offer encouragement without judgement.

“Baby is not gaining weight. Aren’t you feeding her well?”

Remarks like this can be anxiety-inducing for a new mother. They not only question her care, but can also dent her confidence.

“There are many babies who feed well but may not gain weight. There could be other underlying reasons, which need to be assessed by a paediatrician,” suggests Dr Vaishnavi.

She explains that a full 20-minute feed helps the baby get all the nutrients they need. “During the first 10 minutes, the baby mostly gets water-rich milk. It’s in the next 10 minutes that the baby receives the fat and protein-rich milk that keeps them full and helps them grow,” she says.

She also advises mothers to feed from one breast at a time and switch to the other breast for the next feed.

A more helpful approach is to express concern gently and suggest seeing a paediatrician — rather than placing blame.

“You have gained so much weight after delivery. If you are breastfeeding the baby, you should look thin.”

Every woman’s body responds differently after childbirth. While breastfeeding does burn calories, it’s not a guaranteed weight-loss method. A mother’s body is recovering, healing, and working hard to nourish her baby.

“Breastfeeding does help many mothers return to their pre-pregnancy weight, but it’s important how we communicate this. What a mother truly needs during this phase is confidence, encouragement, and appreciation,” says the doctor.

“Even the medical professionals she interacts with — whether it’s a paediatrician, gynaecologist, or lactation consultant — should offer positive reinforcement. This kind of support can go a long way in helping both the mother and the baby have a better breastfeeding journey,” she adds.

What should a breastfeeding mother hear?

A breastfeeding mother deserves words that uplift, support, and empower her. Here are some affirmations and reassuring messages every mother should hear:

• You’re doing a great job.
  Even if she’s unsure or struggling, this simple phrase can offer much-needed comfort.
• It’s okay to take your time and learn.
  Breastfeeding is a journey that takes patience — for both the mother and the baby.
• Every baby is different. You know yours best.
  This reinforces her instinct and confidence in making the right choices for her child.
• It’s okay to ask for help.
  Whether it’s a lactation expert, family member, or doctor, seeking support is a strength — not a weakness.
• Rest when you can. Your well-being matters too.
  Encouraging her to care for herself — not just the baby — is essential for her mental and physical health.
• Feeding your baby — however you do it — is an act of love.
  This helps lift the pressure and judgement around “doing it right”.

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