"Bus, Gun, Blood": Malala Says Smoking Weed Sparked Trauma Of Taliban Attack

Nobel Peace Prize winner Malala Yousafzai has opened up about her mental health struggles, revealing that a marijuana session with friends at the University of Oxford brought back painful memories of her Taliban attack 13 years ago. Speaking to The Guardian ahead of the release of her upcoming memoir 'Finding My Way', the 28-year-old shared that the experience triggered flashbacks of the 2012 shooting, when she was shot in the head by a Taliban gunman for advocating girls' education in Pakistan.  

Malala, who was flown to the UK from Swat Valley for life-saving treatment, shared that she came to understand her brain had completely blocked out the memory of the attack. However, the memories that had been buried deep, resurfaced unexpectedly after she used a bong, a water pipe commonly associated with smoking marijuana.

"Everything changed for ever, after that [night]. I had never felt so close to the attack as then, in that moment. I felt like I was reliving all of it, and there was a time when I just thought I was in the afterlife,” she told The Guardian.

She remembered trying to walk back to her room after smoking but losing consciousness and having to be carried by a friend. That experience brought back intense memories of the day she was shot — the sight of the gun, the blood, and the chaos as she was rushed through the crowd to an ambulance.

"Out of nowhere, the images I had seen in the coma flashed before my eyes again: Bus. Man. Gun. Blood. It was like seeing it all for the first time, fresh waves of panic coursing through my body. There was no escape, no place to hide from my own mind," she added. 

She started to suffer from panic attacks, insomnia, and severe anxiety, often feeling physical symptoms like sweating, trembling, and a racing heartbeat. A therapist later identified the root of her distress as unresolved trauma from the shooting, her early years living under Taliban rule, and the academic pressure she faced.

With guidance from her therapist, Malala gradually processed the flashbacks and overwhelming emotions. She came to realise that the stress of exams, along with long-suppressed childhood memories, had become too much to cope with all at once.

"I survived an attack, and nothing happened to me, and I laughed it off. I thought nothing could scare me, nothing. My heart was so strong. And then I was scared of small things, and that just broke me. But, you know, in this journey I realised what it means to be actually brave. When you can not only fight the real threats out there, but fight within," she recounted.

The education activist and founder of the Malala Fund also addressed the criticism she often faces, acknowledging that her recent revelation about using marijuana may also draw negative attention. However, she has no plans to respond defensively or issue clarifications, choosing instead to let her upcoming memoir speak for itself.

Her upcoming memoir, a follow-up to her 2013 book 'I Am Malala', explores her adult life in greater depth, including her marriage to Pakistani cricket manager Asser Malik. The couple have also launched a new venture called Recess, which focuses on promoting women's participation in sports.

The 2012 Taliban attack

Malala Yousafzai, now 28 and known worldwide for championing girls' education, was only 15 when she was shot by a masked Taliban gunman while riding a school bus in Pakistan's Swat Valley. The attack left her with serious injuries, including a damaged facial nerve, a shattered eardrum, and a fractured jaw. She spent several months in critical condition before being transferred to the UK for advanced medical care.

The attack was in response to her advocacy for girls' education and her criticism of the Taliban's efforts to ban girls from attending school. The attack sparked widespread international condemnation and support for Malala's cause, ultimately leading to her becoming a prominent global advocate for education and women's rights.

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