Why Modern Men Are Finally Dropping the ‘Mard Ko Dard Nahi Hota’ Act

Men have been exploring their sensitive side for long now. Sad but true, their image is still stuck in a time warp. The so-called stronger sex is yet to shed their patriarchal baggage completely. Over centuries, this species from Mars (the phrase is coined from the 1992 book title Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by relationship counsellor John Gray) has been fed with the ‘men don’t cry’ doctrine or closer home, the more desi dictum rules as ‘Mard ko dard nahin hota’. Consequently, they don’t feel the pain of their counterpart from Venus either — the womenfolk — as many grouse. However, there’s been a tangible undercurrent of social, economic and emotional shifts over time, which is subtly tiding over orthodox norms and principles.

Be Teary-Eyed Than a Bully

The way being tough is not to be a tyrant, similarly breaking down or crying over shoulders is not an act to be ashamed of. “It’s totally okay for men to cry or crease their forehead when chips are down. I don’t always express myself overtly but when I do, it’s a genuine and spontaneous outburst. I mean you can’t fake such things, can you?” confides 30-yearold PR consultant Gaurav Jain.

“I remember my granddad to weep buckets everytime we took his leave after paying him an annual visit in the tea gardens of Darjeeling where he lived in his ancestral abode,” recalls medical student Sanjana Basu in her early 20s. “It’s normal for men to shed tears and it’s an insensitive behaviour on the society’s part asking them not to,” she insists.

“It’s a pity that men are often labelled as sissy or mocked as a wimp if they show their softer sides, which are seldom talked about, valued and appreciated. Society expects us to emerge as ‘masculine’ fastened to certain clichés that replicate a macho screen hero but all this frequently shrouds a big part of who we actually are,” rues Jain.

Pop the Question

Why should men have all the fun making the first move to propose romance and marriage to their lady love! “Well, that’s what exactly expected of most men. Isn’t it? I have no qualms about going down on the knees and offering my hand to my man, precisely my soulmate,” blurts out dance instructor Adrija Mehra who finds no fault in men being timid.

Would boys like their girlfriends or would-be wives to take the reins in relationships instead of them always wearing the pants in the equation?

“Absolutely! Why not? I’d prefer that possibility. A conjugal bonding works best when both share an equal slice of the pie. It keeps the chemistry blooming and exciting in a love nest,” fathoms Jain.

Alpha Versus Beta Male

The tailenders (Gen X and the millennials) from the last century and today’s Gen Zee have been showing the sparks of progressive changes in fits and starts but myriad miles are yet to be crossed to bridge the wide chasm between the past and the future.

New-age men willingly wear their hearts on their sleeve and are ready to discard the cloak of a control-freak domineering alpha male. For it’s no harm to be a beta entity with a passive voice. There’s no inhibition to expose their softer side and be a gentle giant with a glint in the eye. Mustachioed or clean-shaven, a man who is all heart and mind and not a machine in flesh and blood is the need of the hour.

Sociologists believe, the society requires more men with brains than brawns in these troubled times that steadily evoke a dystopian world.

One who can think on his feet and don’t feel under the pump in crunch situations is the man of the moment. But is a beta man more preferable as ‘Mr Dependable’ than an alpha male who always throws his weight around?

Psychiatrist Shefali Batra views that “in relationships as well as in the real world, cognitive skills sell more than anything else today. That is why a man who is resilient, intelligent, rational, emotionally on a higher plane and knows how to solve problems in a jiffy and with a confident smile makes a better partner and an employee in office”.

Yet at the same time, he must be “committed towards health, self-care and discipline to be on top of his game in every performance field,” she argues. “Presenting oneself smartly is an art that one has to cultivate to remain in great form. To look great and speak impressively is a deadly combo that this survival-of-the-fittest universe demands,” she perceives ahead.

He’s No Sole Saviour

A man desperately wishes to cast off the burdening mantle of a ‘provider and protector’ for his family in this tech era. He is no mythical Atlas who has been penalised for ages to carry the load of the earth or hold up the sky on his neck alone. Gents no longer flinch an inch to shine as domestic gods in place of calling the shots as single breadwinners. In fact, many guys keep their bachelor pads squeaky clean despite steering round-the-clock schedules as busy bees.

“During Covid, my wife would have to report to duty on a daily basis as she worked in an emergency department of the health sector. And I’d work from home, managing all household chores as well as our toddler during that lockdown phase. Today, am more domesticated than I ever was. The experience was quite an eye-opener,” reveals Gurugram-based software engineer Subir Sengupta.

Middle-aged handicrafts and garments entrepreneur Renuka Ghosh asserts that she doesn’t subscribe to the idea that “men should always run the kitchen with a stable income and women should be confined to her home and the hearth”. “What’s wrong if the matriarchs of the house rear their families on their earnings and men look after the kids? Can’t men be caregivers and show their paternal responsibilities through love, nurturing and affection!” shoots the boutique owner from Kolkata.

Gender Fluidity

Today’s cool ubersexual dudes don’t shy of wearing a man bun, a man skirt or sporting a hairband, one ear dangler, a neckpiece, bracelets or a nose pin. Given that gender fluidity is no more a taboo topic in public domain, many metrosexual men are eagerly experimenting with their sexuality, supporting the queer community or coming out of the closet themselves to declare their orientation. They are like compassionate angels who are meticulous about their grooming essentials too.

“It’s not about shouting from the rooftops but being open and vocal about our personal traits and crazy streaks that people usually brush under the carpet. And present-day men deserve a shout-out for that,” extols talented interdisciplinary artist and ideator Sujoy Prosad Chatterjee.

Considering that androgynous and antifit fashion never faded into oblivion and are back with a huge bang now, many men are toying with this novel trend yet again.

Chokers, wristlets, palazzos, bold eye-make up, lip colour, terracotta and tribal ornaments as well as a bright palette — all enter the list of favourites.

A Peacock Man

If women can pamper themselves to look the best and as beautiful as a decked up Christmas tree, why can’t men boast their flamboyance and flashiness like a peacock preening its feathers! “Admiring one’s reflection in the mirror is not just a woman’s predilection, men too can marvel at his self-image on the looking glass and emulate his handsomeness setting higher goals,” confesses aspiring animator Sayan Das who spends hours in front of the mirror fixing his bouncy, curly hair.

Fitness Freak

Fitness is currently reckoned as a balanced lifestyle, not an ego-driven pursuit. “This palpable mindset transformation to stay in good shape was long overdue,” admits celebrity fitness coach Giri Yadav.

Self Love

Are men more aware of wellness nowadays and consciously joining fitness programmes to reset their mind and body and not just to build muscles and sculpt six-pack abs?

“The idea of self-care is gaining traction. Men are paying keen attention to diet, rest, mobility and stress management areas that were often ignored before. Social media reels and posts have also served a major boost here,” shares the trainer.

“The focus has now changed gears to a broader outlook, which boils down to overall wellbeing and longevity. Evidently, enrollees are queuing up at gyms, spa sessions, yoga studios, meditation retreats and sports clubs,” he elucidates.

Factoid

Mantastic Day!

Come November 19, the world will celebrate the International Men’s Day. Men execute diverse roles as sons, fathers, husbands, brothers, leaders, statesmen, mentors, et al. While women could easily play the victim card at the receiving end, men are seldom seen as preys of abuse, violence, gender stereotypes and injustice and that often explains their helplessness in the eyes of law and power. That’s why many lament being “more sinned against than sinning”.

Movember Message

The current month is all the more significant for the ‘Movember’ movement that was commenced more than two decades ago (2003) by a bunch of friends in Australia to underline the significance of men’s physical as well as mental health status, which seems to increasingly stand on a precarious edge and faces the threat of collapsing from inside. This special global event, now spearheaded by the Movember Foundation (charitable community), raises awareness of men’s health (specifically prostate cancer, testicular cancer and suicidal tendencies) and generates funds for the noble cause.

A portmanteau of ‘moustache’ and 'November’, mature boys and adults grow and keep facial crop the entire month to trigger meaningful conversations surrounding men and their plaguing issues. Even women as ‘Mo Sisters’ can champion the concept and participate in it by donating to proceeds, organising campaigns and activities or sprinting 60km for the 60 men dying of suicide each hour across the planet.

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