Let’s Talk About Sex: Real Questions, Advice On Intimacy, Desires & Boundaries

My husband insists on intercourse during my menstruation. Is that okay? —SV, Navi Mumbai

Sex can be embraced during menstruation. It enhances pleasure with intense orgasms. Blood here acts as extra lubrication. The release of endorphins [happy hormones] helps in reducing menstrual cramps too. The decision of the act depends entirely on your personal interest and comfort. However, hesitation of sex during periods stems from cultural beliefs, discomfort, and dirty feeling. If you wish to go ahead, discuss openly with your partner, expressing your mind prior to the act. Keep a thick towel on the bed to prevent stains on the bedsheet. Use a condom to prevent STIs and bacteria or viruses entering the vagina. In rare cases, unprotected sex during periods can lead to pregnancy too.

I am 54 and I am suffering from erectile dysfunction. What is the solution? —PT, Ghatkopar

Erection at age 54 is less compared to age 24, 34, and 44. Most men feel their sexual life is over, but it is not true at all. Whatever the age, one can live a healthy sexual life. Difficulty in getting an erection can be due to an underlying pathological cause [hypertension, diabetes, neurological issues] or psychological factors like relationship discord, stress, anxiety, etc. Do not feel embarrassed and knock on the door of a sexologist who will listen to you with empathy, identify the root cause of your ED, and explain to you why it is happening in your case, and may prescribe medicines if needed. Do not hesitate to take your partner along with you, as couples therapy gives miraculous results, thus enhancing sexual life. Do not self-medicate (getting Viagra from the medical store). It is good to take help at the earliest to avoid disharmony in married life. As most men feel embarrassed and go into an avoidance mechanism.

My husband insists on prolonged foreplay even after 30 years of marriage. I don’t enjoy it anymore. What should I do? —PS, Deonar

It is okay to say ‘no’ to foreplay rather than just physically allowing him. It doesn’t mean disconnecting from him. Intimacy with enough foreplay is the key to a female orgasm. But sometimes the touch, kiss, and cuddle feels irritating instead of likable. It is just your brain asking for a break, making it less pleasurable. Maybe you want a different type of support at this point in life. Sharing a healthy relationship with a good emotional quotient with the partner is of utmost importance. Common reasons for not enjoying are hormonal changes [perimenopause, menopause], physical illness, unresolved emotions, interpersonal issues, stress, depression, etc. Feelings of being unloved and disrespected can also be a reason. Changes in the body are physiological and normal. It is phasic and will pass by. If it is affecting your relationship, visit a sexologist.

news