If she’s not smiling and sacrificing, is she still a 'good mom'?

When I was younger, I watched a lot of TV. And in every other ad, there was this one recurring scene: a child coming home from school to a smiling mother waiting at the gate, her pallu tucked in, ready with a glass of milk and a warm hug. That mother felt like a default setting in every commercial, as if she existed in every household but mine.

Because when I came home, my mother wasn’t waiting at the gate. She was in her office. Sometimes stuck in traffic or still in a meeting. There was no warm hug at the door, no glass of milk. Just the quiet of an empty home after school, followed hours later by the sound of keys at the door. 

On-screen, mothers would sing ‘Chanda hai tu, mera suraj hai tu’, smiling, glowing, and without a trace of exhaustion as they lulled their children to sleep. My mother, on the other hand, would be in the kitchen, washing dishes, packing the next day’s tiffins, and ironing uniforms. She was still working, long after I had already drifted off. 

During exams, although my mom stayed awake through every sleepless night, carrying my fears with her, she never had the perfect, reassuring words like the moms in ads. I’d find a small ‘All the best’ note tucked into my bag or hear her quick call wishing me luck. It wasn’t the spoonful-of-dahi-and-encouragement formula I saw on TV.

In ads, mothers were flawless. Always composed, always giving, never once cracking under the weight. But I saw my mother cry. I saw her snap under pressure, fall silent in frustration, and crumble in moments no one else witnessed. 

She wasn’t the picture-perfect mom that I grew up seeing on screen. And for a long time, I mistook that for a shortcoming. I believed that if she didn’t look like them, maybe she wasn’t the ideal one.

Because representation, or the lack of it, does that to you.

Over time, the image of the mother in Indian advertising may have shifted, at least on the surface. But has the essence of how we portray her truly changed?

To find out if mothers today are finally being seen for all they are, not just what society expects them to be, I spoke to folks from the advertising world, the ones with the power to shape these portrayals and influence how motherhood is represented in the mainstream.

New role, same old mom

So, what does the ‘modern mom’ look like in ads today? Turns out, she’s wearing different clothes, maybe holding a laptop or steering a car. But emotionally, she still seems stuck in the same story.

Shivani Kamdar, Creative Business Director at SoCheers, believes that while the portrayal of mothers in ads has evolved, it comes with certain conditions.

She said, “We’ve definitely moved past the soft-focus homemaker stirring a pot of sambhar while everyone else lives their best life. Today’s mom has more dimension - she’s working, hustling, parenting and sometimes even reclaiming space for herself (imagine that!).”

Yes, we see her taking on multiple roles, but Kamdar pointed out that while her wardrobe and workspace may have changed, the emotional lens remains tinted with the same self-sacrificial glow.

Brands still love to paint her as the ultimate giver, the emotional backbone of the family, never missing a beat, never needing a break. So I’d say yes, the roles have expanded, but the emotional framing? Still a bit toooo perfect!

-Shivani Kamdar

In many ways, it feels like the mom in ads has gone from a saint to a superhero, except she’s still not allowed to slip, fall, or fail.

Mahima Mathur, Creative Director at DDB Mudra, sees this shift as less of a leap and more of a shuffle.

"Sure, she’s evolved - from the woman in the background to the woman doing everything in the foreground. We’ve gone from ‘Maa, chai de do’ to ‘Maa, please scale this unicorn startup while also helping me with my homework and being emotionally available.’”

That’s the thing about progress, it isn’t just about new roles, but about new rights. The right to be messy, flawed, even selfish, once in a while. But advertising, it seems, still prefers her spotless.

“So yes, she’s evolved. Into a machine. Real progress will be when she stops being a symbol and starts being a person.”

-Mahima Mathur

The image might have been upgraded, but the expectations remain untouched. Mothers in ads are still not allowed to just be human. 

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Aarushi Periwal, Founding Member & Creative at Talented, said, “We’ve long glorified the mother. But in doing so, we’ve also flattened her. In advertising, she’s often a symbol of sacrifice, of sweetness, of strength in suffering.” 

She pointed out how mothers in ads are always emotionally available, juggling chaos with a smile, making rotis at 6 AM and closing deals by 6 PM, playing every role to perfection: nurturer, scheduler, peacemaker.

“That’s the trap,” she said.

To illustrate just how deeply ingrained this ideal is, she referenced a monologue from the film Marriage Story, where Nora’s character reflects on the impossibly high standards mothers are held to.

“People don't accept mothers who drink too much wine and yell at their child and call him an as*hole... We can accept an imperfect dad... But people absolutely don't accept those same failings in mothers... because the basis of our Judeo-Christian whatever is Mary, Mother of Jesus, and she's perfect... You will always be held to a different, higher standard. And it's f**ked up, but that's the way it is.”

Periwal explained how this double standard seeps into advertising, too. She said, “It’s why an ad can show a dad burning toast and we’ll call it ‘adorable.’ But a mother forgetting her child’s costume for school? That’s negligence.”

This imbalance in how we view fathers and mothers speaks volumes. Fathers are given more grace, while mothers are held to impossible standards. Until we address this, even the most progressive portrayals will still end up reinforcing outdated expectations.

As Periwal put it, “We need more stories that make the impossible seem possible. Ads that show women and mothers as messy, selfish, ambitious, tired, joyful, flawed. Not just ‘strong’ but complicated. Like all of us are.”

Mathur echoed this.

“You stop writing a 'mom’ and start writing a woman with her own agenda. That means giving her contradictions. Giving her doubts. Giving her a story that isn’t all sacrifice.”- Mahima Mathur

It should probably be taped above every ad brief featuring a mother. Because maybe then, we’ll finally start telling stories that go beyond the role and truly capture the person.

Rewriting the typical ‘mom ad’

The typical ‘mom ad’ has long relied on the same tried-and-tested formula of making her flawless, selfless mother who does it all with a smile, without missing a beat. But what if we could rewrite these ads to better reflect the realities of motherhood today? 

According to Kamdar, the first thing to go would be the ‘supermom’ syndrome. The image of a woman who runs the house, aced her job, packs lunchboxes, and solves every crisis, all while sporting a perfectly draped salwaar or saree, has become not just unrealistic but exhausting. Instead, Kamdar believes it’s time to show a mom who drops a ball or two, who chooses self-care without guilt, and who asks for help, and who isn’t defined only by motherhood.

“It’s time we stop romanticising sacrifice and start normalising imperfection,” she said. This shift, she argues, would bring out the real emotion in these portrayals and resonate with an audience that’s tired of picture-perfect parenting.

Mathur added to this critique, calling for a complete overhaul of the "saintly" portrayal of mothers. “Erase the violins. Erase the soft glow of sainthood. She’s not a solar panel. Mothers don’t need to be worshipped. They need to be seen. Make her funny. Make her frustrated. Let her be messy, moody, and still enough,” Mathur said. 

Periwal envisions a similar shift in the narrative. “We need stories where a mom isn’t punished for being human,” she said. For her, perfection should be replaced with reality, showing a mother who isn’t performing motherhood but simply living it, loudly, beautifully, and on her own terms. 

She wants to erase the violin track, the halo lighting, and the expectation of godly patience. "Let’s show her asking for help. Saying no. Screaming into a pillow. Laughing with friends. Coming home late," Periwal suggested. These moments, she believes, would resonate far more than the outdated, idealised version of motherhood. 

“Ads don’t just reflect life, they inform it. And if we want a generation of women to stop chasing perfection, we have to stop scripting it.”

-Arushi Periwal

Only then can advertising truly reflect the realities of motherhood and help redefine what it means to be a 'good mom' in today’s world. And then maybe today, a child like me will stop measuring her mother against the flawless images on screen.

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